With Paul Yeenie Harry
There is the saying that “LIB da Technique”; meaning, for one to survive in this society, to get what he wants, or to avoid a certain problem, he must be “smart,” which involves skillfully applying various tricks in the process. As UL students would say in their invented version of Matthew 4:4, “You fuck-up, you fuck.” Times are hard.
Yes, LIB da technique and, it seems, almost everyone understands it. Children apply it on their parents, and parents apply it on their children. Boyfriends apply it on their girlfriends, and vice versa. Wives apply it on their husbands, and husbands apply it on their wives. Da na fa-yah comin’ from my mou’h. LIB da technique. Politicians apply it on the electorate, while the electorate applies it on the politicians. Pastors apply it on their members, and their members apply it on them.
In this whole “LIB da technique” business, my attention has been drawn to the many dry-face preachers going around and preaching for the sole purpose of getting money from people. Most of them have dry-face more than the dry-face Monrovian girls I have seen, heard or read about.
Well, folks, permit me to cite a few examples gleaned from the plethora of stories connected with the preaching of the many dry-face preachers all around the place.
Story #1
The other day, a friend told me that he saw a so-called preacher somewhere in Paynesville. He was preaching energetically, jumping here and jumping there, as if Angel Gabriel had just given him two wings to fly.
Because eyes and ears are easily tempted, the place the dry-face preacher was delivering his LIB-da-technique sermon soon became crowded, with short people tip-toeing to be able to see what the preacher, who had already been encircled by the crowd, was doing.
After preaching his dry-face sermon, he told members of the audience, “Take L$20.00 from your pockets or wallets or purses or hand bags.” Many of those in the crowd followed his instruction.
A man of God had spoken, they might have reasoned, and those fearing God wanted to comply. Hands entered bags, purses, wallets and pockets, while fingers lifted twenty-dollar notes. Yes, the Holy Spirit was moving in people’s hearts like fire.
Having succeeded in his first dry-face plan, he was ready for the second. “Show your money in the air so all can see.” The obedient ones obeyed instantly. The dry-face preacher looked around, viewing and, perhaps, counting how many of those 20-dollar bills were in the air. He was a smart – I mean, a dry-face – preacher. LIB da technique.
“Put the money on the ground,” he instructed. Almost in the twinkling of an eye, twenty-dollar bills were all over the ground. But who would want to overlook the words of a God-sent preacher, a graduate of the Dry-face School of Theology? He had also succeeded in his third game.
Not too long, the preacher gave his fourth instruction. Things were working in the man of God’s favor. A fool cannot be a modern-day preacher, especially in a hard country like Liberia.
“Step on the money with your left foot and say ‘I step on my enemy,’” he ordered the audience.
Quickly, attendees were foot-stamping their 20-dollar notes and chanting, “I step on my enemy.” Some even went further, saying: “I step on my enemy mightily forever and ever and ever.”
To make sure that the “enemy” was really trampled upon, others used their two feet, instead of only their left foot. But who would want the “enemy” to regain strength after the incident. Some members of the crowd mistakenly stepped on the toes of others in the process.
The most interesting part was yet to come. The process had to be completed. Hands had entered pockets, wallets, bags and purses and fingers had taken the 20-dollar bills out. They had been displayed in the air for all to see. They had been thrown on the ground and stepped upon, with the accompanying recitation: “I step on my enemy.”
It was time for the dry-face preacher to give his last instruction, which had to do with what to do with the “enemy” that had been stepped upon. Oh, yes, LIB da technique.
The dry-face preacher pulled a black plastic bag out of his left back pocket and told the crowd: “Put the money into this bag, and God will do a new thing in your lives.”
Again, members of the crowd – that is, those who had stepped on their money – dropped their 20-dollar bills into the black plastic bag. The “wicked enemy” had been arrested and imprisoned.
And the key to the entrance of the prison compound was given to the dry-face pastor. Thank God for the black plastic bag, which served as the prison compound, and the dry-face pastor, who served as the arresting officer.
The dry-face pastor offered his last prayer and away he went, with the “enemy” locked up in prison – his black plastic bag.
There are a few questions to ask, three of which are as follows:
- Why did the pastor consider 20-dollar bills, and not 5-dollar bills, the “enemy?”
- Why did the pastor choose himself to be the one to keep the “enemy?” Why couldn’t a member of the crowd keep it?
- What did stepping on the money do to the “enemy?” Did it deprive it of its power? If so, why wasn’t the money given back to the people, since the “enemy’s” power had already been destroyed or weakened by stepping on the “enemy”?
Since it is clear this dry-face preaching is profitable, I am planning to start my own street preaching. Almost everything is hard in this country. Rent is high. Prices of basic goods and services are high. School fees are high. This is hard, and that is hard. Most people’s take-home salaries cannot take them home. Besides, employment opportunities are scarce.
Dry-face preaching brings fast money. I will soon start mine. I will tell my crowd to take 50-dollar or 100-dollar bills from the pockets, wallets, purses and bags and step on them. Those are big enemies that must not be kept by those having them. Yeah, dry-face preachers!
Anyway, my people, da how I see it-o!
